BEING THE BLACK SHEEP

Most of the time being the black sheep or the scapegoat does something with you and has left its traces. Even if you do ‘know’ that having been the black sheep was undeserved, then it still doesn’t always ‘feel’ this way. To know something and feel accordingly are apparently two different things.

The black sheep of a group

The black sheep, the scapegoat, the odd one out are all expressions which refer to a person who is conceived or treated differently and doesn’t quite belong to the group. Someone who is marked as being different from the others, regardless of this is true or not.  

In need of an outlet

Groups, and certainly a group in which usually under the surface something is going on, function better if there is a black sheep or ‘scapegoat’ among them. If there is no obvious ‘victim’ in the group, someone ‘different’ will be singled out. Having a go at this person gives the group an outlet for certain feelings, something to talk about and at the same time enhances the ‘togetherness’ of the group. It can also give every group member the change to take away the focus of him or herself. After all nobody is perfect and as long as they are talking about someone else they are not having a go at you...

 

Once a black sheep always a black sheep?

It is useful for the group to have a black sheep among them, as it prevents it from falling apart and gives its members a sense of belonging. For the individual on the receiving end it usually has far reaching consequences. Especially if you were a black sheep at an early age, for longer periods and/or in different groups. Once having been the black sheep you seem to attract it. As if you are asking for it…

 

The vicious circle

Most of the time having been the black sheep has more or less (subconsciously) to a certain extend influenced who you have become. For example how you (sometimes) react and function in groups which are part of normal daily life such as the sport club, your work, circle of friends, etc. More importantly it is likely to have (had) an important influence on ‘how you feel’ and see yourself.

 

Often something only has to happen that remind you (subconsciously) of the old situation and makes you feel that way, and not only is it likely that you react as you use to back then but also that how you see yourself (subconsciously) is being reconfirmed. For short you are in a vicious circle. Being the black sheep seems to have become part of you and it seems you are not able to escape from it.

 

Apparently what you know and feel are two different things

Even if you know in your mind that being the black sheep is not right (anymore), your (subconscious) feelings say something else apparently. For example you feel regularly one or more of the following; excluded, not accepted, not good enough, worthless, bad, guilty, or misunderstood. Your feelings don’t seem to follow your mind. 

 

A black sheep is also the master of his or her own destination

How you feel about something, so also about being the black sheep, is usually up to you. You could take an active approach in feeling differently about it as that usually doesn’t happen automatically. It will be worth the effort to feel good at all times about yourself again. You as (former) black sheep are also the master of your own destination. Coachplus has preceded you and can help you, not only in your mind but more importantly also in your heart, to get rid the mark black sheep.     

top